Can I Fix You?

Quick Look

Sometimes, trying to help others can just be a move to be the alpha male (or female;  women do this too). What’s an alpha? Someone who’s in control.

A Tale

He called in distress. I listened. Finally, he said, “I really don’t know what to do.” I made a suggestion. He argued, defending his position. I knew at once that eitherFix You

  • he didn’t agree,
  • he didn’t understand,
  • he wasn’t willing to make a change, or,
  • I hadn’t listened.

Here’s a clue: I got uncomfortable. I tried again. He raised more objections. I tried harder, but soon got bored; we were both looking for a way out.

The Tale Wagged

What was going on here? Well, lots of things, but from my side, here’s what didn’t work.

I wanted to feel good about myself more than I wanted to just be with him, in spite of his outcome.

I couldn’t tolerate my own failure at helping.

If, on the other hand, I could have accepted my failure to provide their answer, if I had just  sat with his problem unsolved, I might have rescued this opportunity to be a friend.

Even if I couldn’t rescue him.

Coupla links:

Yeah, but how do we put it into practice?


Echoes on Fixing


About RayMunn

Husband, father, Zen guy, web designer, film-maker.
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